This waiting thing is hard.
It's such a weird feeling knowing that you are going to give birth to your child soon, but not knowing when it could happen. Could I wake up in the middle of the night tonight and feel contractions? Hogan has even downloaded an App to time contractions - yes, they make an App for that. Could my water break as I write this blog post? Will we continue to wonder when it's going to happen for 3 more weeks and then potentially be scheduled to go into labor? I just don't know!!! And it's so hard to wait. Especially when you are waiting for something so wonderful. And something that doesn't really have a "concrete" date to wait for.
Trust me, Hogan and I are doing all the things that people tell us we should be doing during this "waiting" period - go out on dates together, go enjoy some quality time together just the two of you, etc etc. And we do enjoy these dates and this time, but it really doesn't help the wait. Just being honest. We find ourselves continuing to talk about what life is going to be like when we have our son or when he might come. Maybe it's easier for other people and their personalities but not ours. I mean our engagement was a whopping 3 1/2 months...we couldn't wait to get married. And we were married for 8 months before we couldn't wait any longer to have kids. We definitely aren't rash decision makers. We've been led forward with God's peace in every decision. I guess we just don't like to wait around too long. We both know this life we've been given is short and we're only passing through it. Anyways, I'm getting off track...back to waiting...
It also doesn't help that I've been so pro-active at work that my entire "to do" list is done and those that are taking over my responsibilities are completely trained to do so by now. Nor does it help that Woodlawn has grad exams this week and Spring Break next week and so soccer is pretty much non-existant for the next 2 weeks.
We have everything we need at home for our son once he gets there. Our bags are pretty much packed besides those last minute items (which we've already made a list for). Can you tell we are more than ready? And I laugh because this seems like it would be a perfect scenario for him to stay in there for a while longer - when we are most prepared and in control. Because I know my God wants control over the situation. And He wants to be the one prepared - more so than us. And we realize this. And trust me, I want God to have control over it and everything else in my life and our marriage and our child.
Deep down in our hearts we absolutely know that baby Hartzog will arrive in God's perfect timing. And deep down we know that we don't want him any sooner or later than that. I just had to vent and be honest and say that my flesh wants him here now. And plus, I'm running out of things to do so why not take up some of this waiting time by blogging. If he doesn't get here soon, March may be the most posts that I've ever had in a month!
"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time."
