Before Hogan and I were engaged, I had heard great things about pre-marital counseling at our church that you received from one of the pastors. We had several friends who got married the spring before we did and who had received this counseling and all loved it! We were definitely excited for this once our own engagement happened later that year in July.
But Highlands changed the way they did things right after we got engaged. Instead of doing one on one counseling with a pastor, it was now in a small group format. Your leaders were a seasoned married couple and the small group consisted of you and your fiance along with about 3 other couples. When we heard this was the new way of doing it, our hearts sank. We were expecting the same thing all of our friends and others had received. We were even already discussing which pastor we'd like to do ours. We felt cheated. We were about to be the guinea pigs in this new way of counseling and we didn't like that feeling, especially since pre-marital counseling is so vital to getting ready for marriage.
Hogan and I are both stubborn people and we weren't going to let this happen without a fight, or we'll say "attempt" to get the pastoral counseling we were so excited about. You can maybe guess where this is going but let's just say for now, God knew what we needed and we're so thankful he pushed through our stubbornness.
So like I said, we attempted to get out of this small group. We played along with the beginning process all the while looking for an out. We were at a friend's wedding shortly after and ended up talking with the pastor that married them, who I know very well too. He hadn't really heard about this new small group counseling yet so of course volunteered to council us. TA-DA! This was our out. So I wrote the lady that coordinates everything to tell her. I even went back and found the email I wrote (note that I've taken the names out). It's quite humorous looking back at now...
But Highlands changed the way they did things right after we got engaged. Instead of doing one on one counseling with a pastor, it was now in a small group format. Your leaders were a seasoned married couple and the small group consisted of you and your fiance along with about 3 other couples. When we heard this was the new way of doing it, our hearts sank. We were expecting the same thing all of our friends and others had received. We were even already discussing which pastor we'd like to do ours. We felt cheated. We were about to be the guinea pigs in this new way of counseling and we didn't like that feeling, especially since pre-marital counseling is so vital to getting ready for marriage.
Hogan and I are both stubborn people and we weren't going to let this happen without a fight, or we'll say "attempt" to get the pastoral counseling we were so excited about. You can maybe guess where this is going but let's just say for now, God knew what we needed and we're so thankful he pushed through our stubbornness.
So like I said, we attempted to get out of this small group. We played along with the beginning process all the while looking for an out. We were at a friend's wedding shortly after and ended up talking with the pastor that married them, who I know very well too. He hadn't really heard about this new small group counseling yet so of course volunteered to council us. TA-DA! This was our out. So I wrote the lady that coordinates everything to tell her. I even went back and found the email I wrote (note that I've taken the names out). It's quite humorous looking back at now...
Hi _____.
I wanted to talk to you about something. I know Pastor _______ really well and we ended up talking to him this past weekend at a wedding we were all at. We were just talking to him in general about our wedding and how everything was going and he told us that he would be more than happy to do our counseling for us if we didn't have somebody already. We hadn't approached him before obviously because of the small group counseling we were planning on doing. After talking to him though and discussing it further, we actually would love to do some one on one counseling with him. We're also going to be getting some additional counseling from our pastor that is marrying us, so with the two of them, we weren't sure we really wanted to cram our schedule with the small group counseling as well (plus, it might just overlap what we would talk about with _____).
I wanted to talk to you about something. I know Pastor _______ really well and we ended up talking to him this past weekend at a wedding we were all at. We were just talking to him in general about our wedding and how everything was going and he told us that he would be more than happy to do our counseling for us if we didn't have somebody already. We hadn't approached him before obviously because of the small group counseling we were planning on doing. After talking to him though and discussing it further, we actually would love to do some one on one counseling with him. We're also going to be getting some additional counseling from our pastor that is marrying us, so with the two of them, we weren't sure we really wanted to cram our schedule with the small group counseling as well (plus, it might just overlap what we would talk about with _____).
Do you think this would be ok to do instead of the small group counseling? And if so, I think Pastor _____ would need our assessment information so was hoping that you could pass that along to him.
Thanks so much and please let me know your thoughts on everything.
I don't think I saved the email that I got back but basically it was a no. Not a mean no, but a "I really think this small group would be good for y'all." So we finally gave in. While we are stubborn to an extent, we aren't ones to keep pushing when the door is clearly shut and we are being led a different way. So we went to the small group. And we loved it. We learned so much, had so much fun, and now have some of the best friends/mentors we could ask for. The couple that led our group, Lisa and Jason, have become great friends and mentors to us. They have a beautiful marriage, a beautiful family, and we just love hanging out with them. Pre-marital counseling only lasted 6 weeks but we have continued to stay in touch with them. Just last night we went to dinner with them. I always get so excited to hang out with them. We always have a great time but more than that, they truly care about our marriage. They ask us how things are going. They dig into our lives. They give us wisdom. They relate to us. They encourage us. They've inspired us too. Who knows what the Lord has planned but we would hopefully love to be leading some of these pre-marital groups one day. I get such a tickle when I think back about how hard we unknowingly tried to prevent this friendship from taking place.
I'm so thankful that the Lord kept the door shut to what we wanted and continued to steer us to what we needed and what would bless us tremendously. I know the Lord continues to do this in every aspect of our lives and our marriage. He does it to you too. If doors are continuously being shut, maybe try the other way, the way that you're sure isn't for you. Who knows, but it very well could be what you actually need and end up loving.
Thanks so much and please let me know your thoughts on everything.
I don't think I saved the email that I got back but basically it was a no. Not a mean no, but a "I really think this small group would be good for y'all." So we finally gave in. While we are stubborn to an extent, we aren't ones to keep pushing when the door is clearly shut and we are being led a different way. So we went to the small group. And we loved it. We learned so much, had so much fun, and now have some of the best friends/mentors we could ask for. The couple that led our group, Lisa and Jason, have become great friends and mentors to us. They have a beautiful marriage, a beautiful family, and we just love hanging out with them. Pre-marital counseling only lasted 6 weeks but we have continued to stay in touch with them. Just last night we went to dinner with them. I always get so excited to hang out with them. We always have a great time but more than that, they truly care about our marriage. They ask us how things are going. They dig into our lives. They give us wisdom. They relate to us. They encourage us. They've inspired us too. Who knows what the Lord has planned but we would hopefully love to be leading some of these pre-marital groups one day. I get such a tickle when I think back about how hard we unknowingly tried to prevent this friendship from taking place.
I'm so thankful that the Lord kept the door shut to what we wanted and continued to steer us to what we needed and what would bless us tremendously. I know the Lord continues to do this in every aspect of our lives and our marriage. He does it to you too. If doors are continuously being shut, maybe try the other way, the way that you're sure isn't for you. Who knows, but it very well could be what you actually need and end up loving.
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