This past week Lakim passed away. I have so many memories of him. I can still vividly remember my emotions from all the memories. But I also found an old blog post about him. And it's making me smile and cry at the same time.
http://lkhartzog.blogspot.com/2011/07/heart-full-of-hope.html
I still can't quite put words to how I am feeling right now. But I want to try. And I don't want to forget as time goes by. So I'm going to try to start writing again.
I know not to ask "why" of God. I know that we all have an appointed time. I know that our life is but a mist here on earth. I know also that we live in a fallen world. I don't have to ask why. I know the answers. But that doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't take away the "surreal-ness" of what has happened. Besides the fact that Lakim was a young man with so much promise in this world to fulfill, I think I'm most shaken up because there was a moment in time several years ago that I said a radical yes to Jesus and I went to coach Woodlawn soccer. I look back through my journaling and I knew I wasn't there for soccer; I was there for a bigger purpose. There were probably several reasons I was there but Lakim was one of the biggest, at least that I can see now. I actually remember saying that maybe the only reason I was at Woodlawn was to be in Lakim's life and for Lakim to be in ours.
There have been so many ups and downs over the years. You can see that in my blog post above. We didn't see Lakim on a regular basis but we always got back together to see him and see how things were going. I think what breaks my heart right now is that it'd been a while since we saw him last. But then again, maybe it'd be a lot harder right now if we had seen him recently. The last time we saw Lakim, we took him to dinner and introduced him to Wyatt, our son. He held Wyatt and really it was a perfect moment because Hogan and I both had felt like Lakim was a son to us in a way. Our heart hurt for him over the years and was so full of joy for him when good things happened. We would drop anything we were doing to help him if he needed it. When he got into Samford, it kind of felt like we were releasing him. God was so faithful in his life and we just knew it was going to be a beautiful experience at Samford. Our main prayer was that Samford would accept him. That he would make friends and really make a difference in a good way on campus. I've been checking Lakim's facebook wall probably 10+ times a day to see what people are posting. It's beautiful. Not only did Samford accept him, but they loved him. Lakim changed lives on campus. He brought smiles and hope to people there. I shouldn't be surprised because God is faithful and he hears our prayers and answers them. He is a great God. He used us and several others to impact Lakim's life and then used Lakim to impact so many others. I am humbled and grateful and can't stop crying. I'm sad but I'm so grateful at the same time.
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