Uncomfortable prayers

Have you ever picked a book to read knowing it's gonna mess you up? It's like wanting to watch a movie you know is gonna make you bawl your eyes out and you do it anyways. 

Well I just finished doing this to myself. I guess deep down I wanted to be messed up. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to get close to the Lord (I mean really close) and stir things up. So why not do this when I'm already a mess from my postpartum emotions - makes complete sense to me. Ha. It doesn't at all, but it's too late now. 

Over the past few months, I learned about Jen Hatmaker. I watched her show on HGTV. I started following her on Facebook. I read some of her blog. I'm a big fan. I obviously don't know her (or I should say she doesn't know me) but I really connect with a lot of what she writes. So I knew I would enjoy the books she has written. I downloaded and read her book, "Interrupted." And bingo, loved every chapter of it. And yes, it has messed me up. Highly recommend it but beware. 

I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know if I can truly get out my thoughts right now. I'm not sure I have to. I think one of the things I learned from this book is you can ask and let the Lord start dealing with you and you don't have to do anything yet but pray. Maybe the best prayers are when you don't even really know what you are praying about - you are just talking to Him telling Him you don't even know what you are praying about. Not sure that makes much sense on paper, sorry. 

My personality is to get passionate about something and go do it. Plan it all out and do it. Most likely before praying enough about it. Most likely with more of ME in the plan than God. And it may be a good thing. But I guess I just wonder if it's not the best. If I need to let go of the reigns a little and let some things get orchestrated by God. But I also believe in not sitting around doing nothing. Things don't have to be all planned out in order to act. So maybe what I'm trying to say is that we act but we don't plan it all out in our head. We let God guide us one step at a time. I guess that's faith. You step out in faith to do something and then the next step becomes visible. 

I've been in this place before. And I miss it. I had a great job but a job that wouldn't really allow me to do something God put on my heart. So I prayed big prayers. And as I'm literally turning in my resignation in person, God moved. And the company allowed me to do both for a season. And so I did. And then God opened up another door for a new job. I could go on and on and on about His provision. And it all started with a step of faith to serve others. To serve his sheep. 

A lot of beautiful things have happened in my life since then. I am married to an amazing man. I have two precious children. We have a great life. But if I'm being honest, we are pretty comfortable. And comfortable seems good, but I don't think we are called to be comfortable while serving his Kingdom. I'm not sure the two can exist together actually. We can be responsible in serving his kingdom but I don't think we can be comfortable. 

So how do you mess up comfortable? You start praying bold prayers. I mean prayers that make you cringe as you pray them because you don't really know if you want your comfort messed up. And make sure you pray them out loud. Makes you cringe even more. 

This is just one excerpt from a section of the book that I ate up ..."We have an innate craving to live on mission with God in the dangerous, exciting world. Out there is where we come to life, get over ourselves, are fed. Fulfillment exists in becoming a slave to everyone in order to win someone to Jesus. Discipleship was never simply about learning; it was constructed on living.”

I believe in this innate craving. I have it. I believe in this kind of fulfillment. I want it. The book discusses several scriptures that show you how to get it. One that I'm reading over and over again right now is Isaiah 58...

"...If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail..." 

So my prayers then become focused on doing this : "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed."

And those aren't comfortable prayers. So we will see what happens.  :)