Chubby Cheeks and Thighs

I love Wyatt’s cheeks. I love his chubby thighs. I love his belly. I could really cover him in kisses 24/7 and usually I do when I’m holding him. I’m just trying to take in every moment with him as he rapidly grows from our baby to our little boy; even the hard moments.  I can feel myself getting better at appreciating EVERY moment. When he is fussy and just wants to be held and I’m exhausted and really need to pick up around the house or wash the dishes, I stop myself and lean down and pick him up. And I kiss those cheeks and squeeze him tight to take my focus off of frustrated and exhausted to so grateful that I get to hold my baby boy. 

It is amazing to watch him grow. The other night we watched him move from the couch to the floor perfectly on his own. We had maybe helped him do this a handful of times before but it was so neat to watch him on his own. You could see the thought process. And I was so proud of him. Such a simple task to us obviously but so amazing to watch someone learn it and do it. And that’s just one example of all the stuff we watch our babies and kids learn to do on their own.

I read a blog post a while ago (don’t remember which one it was) that talked about how we always remember the “firsts” but never really the “lasts.” The last time you rocked them to sleep, the last time you picked them up when they were fussy, the last time you helped feed them. I’m sure I won’t remember exactly either but what I do want to do is treasure those moments as they happen because they could be the last ones.

One of my favorite things to do is rock Wyatt just before bed and pray over him and softly put him down to sleep in his crib. He doesn’t need to be rocked. He is a wonderful sleeper and would go down just fine on his own. But I need those few moments to pray over him, to kiss him, to hold him tightly, to embrace the few minutes he holds his stuffed animal monkey, Sam, with his head leaned up against my chest, quickly falling asleep. I know this won’t last much longer. There will be a new season soon, I’m sure, of us saying prayers with him as he lies in his toddler bed, but I love our current routine and I want to soak up every moment of it.

I work full time and while I do wish I had more time with him, I think it also helps me appreciate the precious time I do have with him and my husband. I anxiously await going to pick him up at daycare at the end of my work day and coming home with him to Hogan. I love the time we have at night as a family. And I get so excited on those weekends now where we really don’t have anything planned; where we can just hang out and play with Wyatt and have quality time together as a family. 

It’s the little things that I’m learning to 

just 

plain 

love 

and

enjoy

right now.

  

Vision

God, what do YOU have for us next? How do YOU want to use us for your glory? Let it not be our desires but YOUR desires for us.

This is always my prayer when my mind starts running free with ideas for what’s next in our life. This was definitely my prayer last night as I drove home from dinner with some girlfriends. This past weekend, Hogan and I got away with each other to relax, enjoy time with each other, and pray over our life and year to come – a “vision retreat.” We prayed about clarity in why God put us together and how He wants to use us. We prayed over Wyatt but we also prayed about what our family will look like in the future – how many more kids, adoption, foster care, mentoring, etc. We don’t have answers yet but we are seeking them through prayer. And then yesterday, my mind started racing!  I think I found out 4 people were pregnant and was also involved in conversations regarding foster care. So then I started getting baby fever AND contemplating so many other options out there.

And then I calmed down and prayed.

 It’s so easy to get caught up in what others are doing. But God has his own plan for Hogan and I and he has his own plan for you. I can’t let what others are doing dictate our story. That is God’s job. The most beautiful thing in this life is that we each have our own unique story. Why in the world would we want it to look like someone else’s? Through seeking Jesus and delighting in Him, He tells us what to do next and He writes our story.

Hogan knows that his calling is to be a Dad. That could look like several different things but it helps guide us. I’m not sure how exactly to describe my heart. I guess in a general sense it’s a heart for outreach but more specifically I just want to love and help those that are neglected in some way. This leans more towards kids/teenagers in hurting/poor communities but I guess it could be anywhere. I want those kids to know they are LOVED and someone CARES. I want to be the one that loves them and cares for them. I had this heart before I had Wyatt but it’s much more prevalent now that I have my own child. I don’t know exactly what God is calling us to do next or when that time is but he’s definitely put something on our hearts to grow and I know that he will bring it to fruition in his timing.

So for now we pray. And we enjoy the blessings we have. And we keep our hearts close to his so we don’t miss anything He is calling us to do J

Grieving

I haven't blogged in over year. My last post was when Wyatt was born. Life is so busy that I feel like I don't have the time.

This past week Lakim passed away. I have so many memories of him. I can still vividly remember my emotions from all the memories. But I also found an old blog post about him. And it's making me smile and cry at the same time.

http://lkhartzog.blogspot.com/2011/07/heart-full-of-hope.html

I still can't quite put words to how I am feeling right now. But I want to try. And I don't want to forget as time goes by. So I'm going to try to start writing again.

I know not to ask "why" of God. I know that we all have an appointed time. I know that our life is but a mist here on earth. I know also that we live in a fallen world. I don't have to ask why. I know the answers. But that doesn't take away the pain. It doesn't take away the "surreal-ness" of what has happened. Besides the fact that Lakim was a young man with so much promise in this world to fulfill, I think I'm most shaken up because there was a moment in time several years ago that I said a radical yes to Jesus and I went to coach Woodlawn soccer. I look back through my journaling and I knew I wasn't there for soccer; I was there for a bigger purpose. There were probably several reasons I was there but Lakim was one of the biggest, at least that I can see now. I actually remember saying that maybe the only reason I was at Woodlawn was to be in Lakim's life and for Lakim to be in ours.

There have been so many ups and downs over the years. You can see that in my blog post above. We didn't see Lakim on a regular basis but we always got back together to see him and see how things were going. I think what breaks my heart right now is that it'd been a while since we saw him last. But then again, maybe it'd be a lot harder right now if we had seen him recently. The last time we saw Lakim, we took him to dinner and introduced him to Wyatt, our son. He held Wyatt and really it was a perfect moment because Hogan and I both had felt like Lakim was a son to us in a way. Our heart hurt for him over the years and was so full of joy for him when good things happened. We would drop anything we were doing to help him if he needed it. When he got into Samford, it kind of felt like we were releasing him. God was so faithful in his life and we just knew it was going to be a beautiful experience at Samford. Our main prayer was that Samford would accept him. That he would make friends and really make a difference in a good way on campus. I've been checking Lakim's facebook wall probably 10+ times a day to see what people are posting. It's beautiful. Not only did Samford accept him, but they loved him. Lakim changed lives on campus. He brought smiles and hope to people there. I shouldn't be surprised because God is faithful and he hears our prayers and answers them. He is a great God. He used us and several others to impact Lakim's life and then used Lakim to impact so many others. I am humbled and grateful and can't stop crying. I'm sad but I'm so grateful at the same time.

Welcome Wyatt

We welcomed into the world our precious gift from God, Wyatt Grayton Hartzog, on March 26, 2012 - which is also my birthday. He is perfect and we are so grateful to the Lord for Him.

It's been almost 4 weeks and so far I've learned that being a mommy is by far the toughest thing I've ever done. And I can't explain what is so tough about it. It just is. But I'm also learning it's the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Day by day I'm putting down perfection and replacing it with more and more love. I'm trying to listen to my husband and my God more who tell me I'm doing a great job at being a mom and trying to listen less to the doubt that the enemy places in my head. There are millions of moms in this world but I am the only one qualified to be Wyatt's mom and He's given me everything I need to do so. I am so blessed to have this gift of being his mommy.

These past few weeks have been a whirlwind and I'm finally trying to take some time to fill myself back up - so I can continue to pour out this love to my child and husband. I read a blog post the other day that really spoke to me. The writer stated, "It's not about trying to be a perfect parent, it's about trying to provide a love that is perfect for them." She goes on to talk about the fact that it is the love that sticks with them. It's the love they pass on. She says to let go of distraction and perfection so you can love. Stare into their eyes. Memorize their voice. Hug them until your arms grow tired. Say I love you until you lose your voice.

It's really pretty simple. Just love them. That is all. And the same goes for my marriage. I can get so caught up in trying to be the perfect wife and now also, the perfect mom but that is completely out of my hands. I'm simply called to love. And I'm thankful for that because I know I can do that.

Waiting

This waiting thing is hard.

It's such a weird feeling knowing that you are going to give birth to your child soon, but not knowing when it could happen. Could I wake up in the middle of the night tonight and feel contractions? Hogan has even downloaded an App to time contractions - yes, they make an App for that. Could my water break as I write this blog post? Will we continue to wonder when it's going to happen for 3 more weeks and then potentially be scheduled to go into labor? I just don't know!!! And it's so hard to wait. Especially when you are waiting for something so wonderful. And something that doesn't really have a "concrete" date to wait for.

Trust me, Hogan and I are doing all the things that people tell us we should be doing during this "waiting" period - go out on dates together, go enjoy some quality time together just the two of you, etc etc. And we do enjoy these dates and this time, but it really doesn't help the wait. Just being honest. We find ourselves continuing to talk about what life is going to be like when we have our son or when he might come. Maybe it's easier for other people and their personalities but not ours. I mean our engagement was a whopping 3 1/2 months...we couldn't wait to get married. And we were married for 8 months before we couldn't wait any longer to have kids. We definitely aren't rash decision makers. We've been led forward with God's peace in every decision. I guess we just don't like to wait around too long. We both know this life we've been given is short and we're only passing through it. Anyways, I'm getting off track...back to waiting...

It also doesn't help that I've been so pro-active at work that my entire "to do" list is done and those that are taking over my responsibilities are completely trained to do so by now. Nor does it help that Woodlawn has grad exams this week and Spring Break next week and so soccer is pretty much non-existant for the next 2 weeks.

We have everything we need at home for our son once he gets there. Our bags are pretty much packed besides those last minute items (which we've already made a list for). Can you tell we are more than ready? And I laugh because this seems like it would be a perfect scenario for him to stay in there for a while longer - when we are most prepared and in control. Because I know my God wants control over the situation. And He wants to be the one prepared - more so than us. And we realize this. And trust me, I want God to have control over it and everything else in my life and our marriage and our child.

Deep down in our hearts we absolutely know that baby Hartzog will arrive in God's perfect timing. And deep down we know that we don't want him any sooner or later than that. I just had to vent and be honest and say that my flesh wants him here now. And plus, I'm running out of things to do so why not take up some of this waiting time by blogging. If he doesn't get here soon, March may be the most posts that I've ever had in a month!

"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time."

Showers Everywhere

We are so grateful to be surrounded by friends and family and co-workers that love us and have blessed us with SO many baby gifts for our 1st child! I already posted some from my work shower but we also were given showers by my friends and family back home in Madison, my friends here in Birmingham, and Hogan's friends and co-workers at ReadyMix USA.

Also, just this past Friday night, Hogan thought he was going to have dinner with his friend Justin, but it turns out Justin, along with his other good friends Nick and Robbie, had thrown him a "manly" baby shower at the restaurant they went to. I think they called it a "man reproduction party" or something like that. It was hilarious from what Hogan told and showed me, complete with a diaper cake and funny onesies.

Here are some pictures from the showers. We definitely feel like we have all we need, plus tons more, to start taking care of our son. And it's been so fun celebrating with all our friends.

Madison Baby Shower

I of course forgot to get a picture with the hosts, but my BFF from high school, Jenny DiCarlo, her mom, and her aunt threw this fantastic shower for me. 

Birmingham Baby Shower

Thrown by my amazing friends, Leigh, Jana, Liz, and Christy! 

Leigh was feeling left out...

More of my sweet friends, Dana, Brandon, and Lucy...

Sadly did not get pics of everyone there but I'm so blessed by all those who came. 

We also had dinner one night at The Village Tavern with some of Hogan's co-workers. It was a lot of fun and they really blessed us with gifts. Here's a pic of me and Hogan but that's about the only great shot we have of the evening. And don't worry, that's not my glass of wine :) 

So we are ready for you Baby W!! 2 weeks, 3 days and counting! 

Early Birthday Celebration

No, baby W has not joined us yet. My birthday is March 26th, but due to the uncertainty surrounding when he will join us, my hubby went ahead and surprised me with a birthday celebration on Saturday. He really didn't want it to get overshadowed by all the baby stuff. So Saturday was a fantastic day!!

* He walked Molly allowing me to sleep in some.
* He brought me breakfast in bed - Waffle House to go!
* He had balloons and decorations all over the house (as well as in the neighbor's trees as he later told me he had to go back to the party store to get more after he lost the first ones to the trees)
* He cleaned the house and did the dishes.
* He took me out to eat at one of my favorite lunch spots - Urban Cookhouse
* He took me to Ross Bridge for a pre-natal massage - y'all know how I LOVE massages - it was so nice and much needed after a lot of lower back pain lately.
* He then told me that 2 of my best friends (Christy and Liz) were coming over that night to hang out and celebrate. He cooked dinner for us and bought Dreamcakes cupcakes for our dessert. He also gave us party favors (like a bucket filled with stuff you would get at a 5 year old's birthday party - it was awesome). I had a great time catching up with my friends.

It was such a great birthday surprise from Hogan. I really don't think I deserve him but I suppose that's the way everyone should feel in their marriage. I'm so grateful for him. So now that my birthday is celebrated AND we just received word that our door hanger we were having made for the hospital is ready for us to pick up (ha ha), we are officially ready for baby W to enter our world. Can't wait to see when he does :)